Britt's Blog

A. Sweet fancy Moses!
B. Sweet Jesus and Baby Jesus!
C. Sweet merciful crap!
D. Other (Please specify.)

Update: I forgot a couple of good ones from Futurama:

E. Sweet manatee of Galilee!
F. Sweet zombie Jesus!

I have an order coming from a certain online retailer named after a South American river, and I’m tracking my packages with the delightful Delivery Status Dashboard widget. Delivery Status automatically checks up on your packages every hour, saving me the trouble of reloading the “Where’s My Stuff” page approximately every 33 seconds, as I am wont to do, so that I know exactly where all of my packages are all the time. *pant* *pant* *pant*

Unfortunately, this time both of the boxes have been showing up for a couple of days as “Carrier notified to pick up package” on the retailer website, and as “Not Found” on Delivery Status.

I am sure I need not describe to you how unsatisfying this is.

The retailer’s website says,

To speed delivery, shippers may not location-scan all of their shipments. When shipping volume is high, packages are processed in bulk, and the first time a package is scanned may be upon arrival at a regional hub near the destination, or even when the package is delivered. If you don’t see any tracking data for your shipment, and the estimated delivery date has not yet passed, please do not be concerned.

This is supposed to be a comfort to me? Cold succor indeed, in this information age.

How am I supposed to know whether my heart should race when I hear the tread of the mail carrier on the porch? Should I be on my porch straining for the sight of the yearned-for brown truck, or is my package still days away?

Surely they don’t expect me to just sit wait patiently until some day I randomly come home and find a box on my porch, do they? What kind of a way is that to live?

• I am reading a book called How to Read Literature Like a Professor. I thought I would learn something new, but apparently, I already read literature like a professor. This should perhaps not be surprising, because I am a professor, albeit not a Professor of Literature. Nonetheless, I am depressed that there aren’t secret professor ways of reading. (In case you are wondering, to read literature like a professor you should notice a) symbolism and b) allusions. The latter may require reading the Bible and/or Shakespeare. Also, pay some attention to structure.)
• Through the magic of the internets, I have found a beloved animated short from MTV’s short-lived Cartoon Sushi: Broccoli has an IQ of 10.
• Jason thinks that super-delegates should wear capes.
• I apparently do have a working immune system, because I have managed to fight off a cold and subsequent sinus infection without the intervention of a medical professional. Sure, it took me an entire month to get through it all, but I didn’t take any antibiotics. Way to go, white blood cells! For the first time in a looong while, I am actually healthy for break! Yay!
• I have this song stuck in my head, pretty much entirely due to the jam-out chorus.
• Pacific Food’s Mushroom Broth=teh automatic win if you are making soup.